I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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