oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
