Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize