Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
