oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
