Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
