I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
