No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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