Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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