I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
