Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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Do I have a choice?
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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