Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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