don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The best revenge is premature balding
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
