So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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