foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
