I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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