your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
