is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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