I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
