At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
