um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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