Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
