If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have tasted many bathrooms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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