There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
