Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
