My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
