Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
