so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
