Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
