I have demons in me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
