my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
