I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
