You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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