i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
