Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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