I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
