were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
