Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
