It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
