Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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