I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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