belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
