She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
