just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
