why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
