areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
