You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
