Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
