I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize