A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
