we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
