Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
