Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
