From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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