After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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