I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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