So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
