I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
