I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
