What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
