Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
