you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize