I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
