he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
