Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
