Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
