so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
