i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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