Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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