Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
